If aliens arrived tomorrow, what’s the first thing you’d ask them?

I know I’m probably supposed to ask something intelligent.

“Is there life after death?”

“How big is the universe?”

“Have you been watching Earth for thousands of years?”

Nope.

My first question would probably be:

“Okay… so what do you guys know that we don’t?”

Because if you’ve figured out how to travel across the universe and land on my planet, I’m assuming you’ve picked up a few useful things along the way.

So explain this to me.

Why are there more wieners in a package than hot dog buns?

We’ve had YEARS to sort this out. Two entire industries are involved. Has nobody from the hot dog company ever picked up the phone and called the bun people?

And while I’ve got you here…

Why does the fitted sheet come out of the dryer with every other piece of laundry trapped inside it?

Why does the smoke detector only decide its battery is dying at 3:17 in the morning?

Why do we press harder on the remote when the batteries are dying, as though anger might produce electricity?

Why is “abbreviated” such a long word?

Why do we have to clean the house before the cleaning person comes?

And perhaps the greatest mystery of human civilization:

Where do the missing socks go?

You crossed galaxies. Surely you’ve solved this.

Eventually, I suppose I’d get around to the big questions. Are we alone? What’s out there? How did the universe begin? Have aliens visited us before?

But first I need answers about the wieners and the buns.

We’ve waited long enough.

What completely ridiculous question would YOU ask an alien?

With love
©️Suzy Bourget
suzybourgetauthor.ca